You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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