is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
