I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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