i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize