So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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