apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
