if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
