I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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