Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
