either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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