i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
