i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
