kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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