Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
