dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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