According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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