I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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