i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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