So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
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at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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