I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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