She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
