Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
