I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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