Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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