The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just had sex on a roof
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
