is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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