Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
