I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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