Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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