I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
