I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
