I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
