That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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