I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
