you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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