Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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