I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
