Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
