Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
