is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
