I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
a search helicopter?!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize