my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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