my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
