i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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