does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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