drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
