I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
