Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
