that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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