the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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