I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
