Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(213): View more from California

I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.

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(210): View more from Texas

I just want to hang out with her.

(916): View more from California

You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.

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(708): View more from Illinois

i dedicated my morning wood to you.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.

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(425): View more from Washington

Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!

(425): View more from Washington

Just 2. But still.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"

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