He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I did not marry a roomba.
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