no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
