I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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