What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
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We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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