apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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