I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
