dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
