Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
