you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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