how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
