I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
