ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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