we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
